Lost, But Not Forgotten
by MistressDarkness
Summary: Kenzi races home after regaining her memories of Bo to piece together the puzzle her mind has been for the past 3 months. Set directly after 4x01, In Memoriam. One-shot


Author's Note: I've had this one-shot idea in my head since 4x01 first aired in Canada, and with the premieres happening in the US and UK recently, I couldn't ignore it any longer. And I figured another thank you gift to you all never hurts either ;) Takes place right after 4x01 ends. Let me know if you guys like it!

**Lost, But Not Forgotten**

_"I am lonely. And this, all of it, it isn't right, it hasn't been for a while. And my heart hurts Dyson, and I don't know why."_

_"No stop, stop, we're going to find her."_

_"No. Not until she's back, I can't even breathe. I gotta go."_

Kenzi walked back into the clubhouse, slightly out of breath. A few strands of hair had come loose from the way she had it styled amidst all of the chaos. She saw her home with new eyes, or rather her old ones. How could she have forgotten about Bo? This whole place screamed of her best friend's presence. Her dress clung tightly to her body as she took a few hesitant steps into the main room. Dozens of thongs still lined the perimeters of the room. She frowned at them. Even when her mind had been wiped clean of her memories of Bo, she still felt something huge was missing. It was like it was on the tip of her tongue, but every time she tried to focus on it, it grew further and further away. She used the underwear to attempt to fill a void that could never be filled with material items, no matter how hard she tried. It's a good thing Dyson never saw how many pairs of boots she had acquired in the past few weeks or she'd never hear the end of it.

Kenzi thought restoring her memories would have fixed the emptiness in her heart, but it only replaced the endless abyss with Bo's absence. She scowled at the undergarments, ripping them off of the make-shift clotheslines and chucking them on the floor as hard as she could, taking out her frustrations on the small pieces of clothing. They only served as a constant reminder that she had forgotten her best friend, however temporary, the fact still remained that she had forgotten about her, deserted her when Bo needed her most. Who the hell could make her unable to remember her sister? Before using the compass, she couldn't remember what Bo looked like, even when Aife had shoved a picture right in front of her face! She groaned, remembering the malicious joke she had made regarding Bo's name. "Asshole," she cursed herself. She threw another thong down, grinding her heel into it. She knew it wouldn't do any real damage to the article of clothing, but it made her feel better to vent her anger at one of the items that was used as a filler for Bo.

She paused, noticing the kimono she had been wearing earlier was laid neatly over the back of a chair. Kenzi gently picked it up, as if it would break in her hands, her thumb running over the silky material as memories of Bo wearing it flooded her mind. Even a memory of Vex wearing it appeared for a moment at which Kenzi had to roll her eyes. A small smile crossed her lips, remembering them yelling 'footlocker' at the same time when Vex had asked where the toothpaste was.

She slipped her arms through the holes, tying it in the front. She had worn it a lot in Bo's absence. She felt oddly drawn to it. Wearing it had made her feel safe, comforted, and weirdly enough, loved. She could never understand the attachment she had to what appeared to be a simple store-bought kimono, never making the connection between the emptiness she felt inside and the small moments of peace it brought to her. Now it was painfully clear.

Since her memories returned, everything began to make sense. There were little things Kenzi would do that would confuse her, but she had just brushed it off, not wanting to dwell on the fact that she may have been going crazy. Every morning, she always made enough coffee for two people, despite living alone. If she was up late at night or early in the morning, she would always tip toe around the house as if she was going to wake up someone else up by accident if she was too loud. She always ordered a large pizza, even though she could only eat a little over half of it. She didn't think twice about that, since she had always just put the rest of the food in the fridge, convincing herself she had ordered extra to eat as leftovers for lunch the next day. One thing that had really confused Kenzi was her constant neglect of doing the laundry. For some reason, she always just thought it would magically get done by itself. She'd get down to her last pair of skinny jeans before she realized she had no choice but to wash her clothes. And why didn't she use the master bedroom in the crack shack? It only made sense to use it: it was connected to the bathroom and it was closer to the ground floor. She had shrugged it off, assuming she had chosen the attic due to her eclectic tastes.

Slate blue eyes shifted towards the stairs, towards where Bo's room was. Kenzi took a shaky breath, steeling herself; she hadn't been in Bo's room since she had returned from Massimo's place after seeking his help to become fae. She took the steps one at a time. Every time she had passed Bo's room in the last few months, she had the strangest feeling that she was forbidden to enter it. She had always felt a pull towards the room, but was never allowed to act on it, to actually enter the space. It was almost as if something was preventing her from going near it. Could merely losing her memories really do that? Or was something else at play here? If someone went through all of the trouble of erasing their memories, even modifying some of them to make their pasts plausible without Bo in it, then would that person really let Kenzi just be able to walk into Bo's room and risk her remembering everything? A lived-in room full of clothes and personal belongings would definitely alert the girl that something was terribly wrong, especially when her new memories made her believe she lived by herself.

Kenzi walked through the bathroom, stepping over the invisible barrier her selective amnesia had created. She took in the familiar surroundings she hadn't laid eyes on in a long time: Bo's closet, her dresser, her weapons chest, and finally her bed. She moved forward, feeling more at home than she had previously yet also feeling like she was invading her best friend's privacy without her here. She shook off the latter feeling, knowing Bo wouldn't mind her being in her room, especially if it made her feel even the slightest bit better. She dragged her hand along the duvet. She sat on the edge of the bed, taking off her heels, before crawling under the covers. She turned her face into the pillow, inhaling deeply. Bo's scent still lingered, filling her nostrils, and filling her with a sense of comfort and worry all at the same time, conflicting emotions battling for control. Unshed tears danced in her eyes. "Where the hell are you Bo?" she whispered into the bedding.

Her mind drifted back to another time she was curled up here. She had just broken up with Nate. She did it to protect him, she knew that in her heart and soul, but that didn't mean it hurt any less. She loved him and she lied to him about it, breaking his heart in the process and her own. She couldn't tell him the truth about the fae, and she couldn't tell him the truth about her emotions or else he would have fought to stay in her life. As soon as he slammed the door behind him, she let down her defenses, crying in the middle of the living room floor. When she finally picked herself back up, she went upstairs to her room changing into pajamas and a hoodie. Instead of staying in her own room, she wandered down to Bo's room, seeking comfort from her best friend even when she wasn't there. And that's exactly what she was doing now. Back then, Bo had come home and immediately crawled into the bed with her, knowing something was wrong. Bo had expressed how much she wanted Kenzi to be happy, even if it cost Bo her own happiness. The succubus had reminded her how needed and loved she was. She had hugged her, reassured the younger woman, and cuddled with her, refusing to move from her position after Kenzi had fallen asleep in her lap despite how uncomfortable she must have been.

Kenzi hugged the pillow to herself tightly, silent tears leaving circular spots on the fabric. She wished her best friend was here now to give her another hug, to tell her that everything was going to be alright. "I'm alone again Bo," she said softly, her voice breaking. "I haven't felt this lonely since I first met you. I'd never had someone I could rely on, I could trust; I never had someone who actually cared about me. Not even my own family ever gave a shit about me, but you did. I know what it's like now to have a real family, and I don't ever want to go back to how things were before. I need you Bo, and I need to know that you're okay. "

She sobbed, finally letting her emotions take over. Bo had been missing for three months already, and none of them had done a single thing to try to find her. Was Bo alright? Did she think they had abandoned her? Was she even still alive? Kenzi choked on the last thought, not wanting her mind to take that route. She couldn't think about the what-ifs right now; there were so many possibilities and her mind only wanted to show her the worst scenarios. She couldn't let her thoughts become clouded by such things, she had to stay focused. "I can't just sit here and do nothing!" she shouted to the room. She frustratingly wiped her tears away, sitting back up. Dyson was following the only lead they had at the moment by searching for Tamsin, Trick was checking in with his light fae contacts while Vex was doing the same amongst the dark, Hale was doing recon at the Taft mansion or whatever what was left of it, "and what the fuck am I doing? Not a damn thing! I need to do _something_ Bo, I can't just sit here while god only knows what is happening to you! You wouldn't sit here if I was missing, hell I know you didn't just sit here both times I actually was missing. I _will_ find you Bo, if it's the last thing I do, I will bring you home. It's my turn to save you." She pushed herself up from the bed, straightening out the sheets so Bo would come home to her room just the way she had left it. With a satisfied nod, Kenzi started up the stairs to get changed into her ass-kicking attire, complete with weapons. She twirled Gerladine in her hand before slipping it into its sheath on her back. "Just hold on a little longer Bo," she whispered. She slid her phone into her pocket before setting off into the night.


End file.
